Have you ever realized how much of human language is dependent upon cultural literacy? If you were to travel into the future a thousand years, the words might be the same, but you likely wouldn't understand them, because you lack the context in which to parse the words. This is even a problem amongst modern subcultures. In any case, Rev finds such language fascinating, excluding references to popular culture. Hence, Rev has therefore complied a list of his favorite colloquial expressions. ******************************************************************************* COLLECTION OF COLLOQUIALISMS, APHORISMS, AND CLICHES Compiled by: .anDJEliekys.gyrciys. ******************************************************************************* SECTION 1: SUPPLEMENTAL VOCABULARY ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3DPD: 3-D Pig Disgusting. Real humans. Bananus: The weird end of the banana you don't peel from. Catassing/Poopsocking: Playing video games for extended periods. Digeridoo: A thing. Doo Doo Fry: The gross black french fry in the container. Food Baby: Bloated abdomen one gets after eating. Golden-Haired Boy: A favored person. Hamplanet: A fat person. Mizern00: Misery. SECTION 2: SHORT PHRASES ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- $64 Million Dollar Question A Gentleman's F Albatross ...As you do. Bootstraps Brain Blender Burning Daylight Cut and Run Dead Weight Gloom Cookie Go Spare Heckler's Veto Jaundiced Eye Kitty Corner Known Idiot Laying Some Pipe Long-Suffering Phyrric Victory Pithy Pound Sand Retard Roundup Sackcloth and Ashes Shit was Cash Shooting Butterflies Stock and Trade Sword of Damocles Weaponized Stupid Yak Shaving SECTION 3: STUPIDITY ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A fourth-grader could do this, but where's a fourth-grader when you need one? Are you waiting for the food to march into your mouth? Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. He has completely lost the plot. I don't have the time or the crayons to explain it to you. I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person. I was dropped on my head as a baby. I would agree with you but then we would both be wrong. If you were any dumber, I'd have to water you three times a week. In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king. Kicken' the butter right off the toast. Stupid is as stupid does. That was so dumb I wish I could floss my brain to get the bits of stupid out. The cheese has slid off that cracker. You're a hundred years too early. You're not pretty enough to be that stupid. Want to decorate that stuff you said with something heavy? When you look into her eyes you can see the back of her head. Who is more foolish, the fool or the fool that follows him? SECTION 4: THREATS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bull, Ima make a steer outta you. Dance the hemp fandango. I don't wish anybody dead but, if he happened to be hit by a bus and died, I'd think, well, shit happens sometimes. I'm going to paint the wall with my brains. I'm not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone. You can pry it out of my cold, dead hands Whoever came up with the idea of __ needs to do the following... Get a potato Wrap the potato in tin foil Put the potato in their pocket Die in a fire This way they burn to death and I get a baked potato. SECTION 5: INSULTS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Don't bother opening the door when you leave; you should be able to slime your way out underneath. Go soak your head. He is a bag of cats. I ain't callin' you a truther. I smell a rat. I don't come over to where you work and slap the dick out of your mouth. I would butter it up for you, but you'd eat that too. If you were going any slower, I'd start growing grass. You're gonna get bitch all over us. READ BETWEEN THE LINES (holding up all five fingers). SECTION 6: DISMISSAL ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bite your tongue! Do I look like your negro? Calladita se ve mas bonita. Giving someone enough rope to hang themselves with. He wouldn't even kick the stool out from under my legs should I choose to hang myself. Here's a straw so you can suck it the fuck up. Hey, it's the one-minute anniversary of the time I didn't ask for your opinion. I have no dogs in this fight. No comments from the peanut gallery. No need to ask what your last slave died of. Not happening today. Tomorrow's not lookin' so good, either. Nuts to you. Over my/your dead body. Perish the thought. Put a sock in it. Remember that time I asked for your advice? Right, you don't, cuz I didn't. "Step off my dick." Some people will actually back up, then you can throw in, "No, a couple more steps." Sucks to suck. Take a flying leap at the Moon. That happens three days before you die. The emperor has no clothes. The only emperor is the emperor of ice cream. The world would be a better place if everyone would just mind their business. This is no time for chewing the snot. Too little, too late. Tough titty said the kitty when the milk ran dry. What is the price of tea in China? What is the sound of one hand clapping? What time is it? Two hairs past a freckle. Whatever blows up your skirt. Who died and left you in charge? Why don't you take a long hike off a short cliff? You fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. SECTION 7: ADVICE ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. All you can lose is your life, and you got that for free. Better to ask forgiveness than permission. Better to be a live dog than a dead lion. Done is better than perfect. Dig the best ditches and your reward is a bigger shovel. Don't argue with idiots. People won't be able to tell the two of you apart. Don't cry over spilled milk. Don't get on the bus to Abeline. El que quiera pescado que se moje el culo. Go for the 80% solution. Good artists borrow, great artists steal. Good judgement comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgement. He who pays the piper, calls the tune. Heavy is the head that wears the crown. If a little is good, more is better. If it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing. If ten people tell you you have a tail, you better turn around and look. If you are going to miss getting into heaven, no point in missing by inches. If you don't have anything of importance to say, don't say it at all. If you lie down with dogs, you'll wake up with fleas. If you want to know the easiest way to do something, ask a lazy person to do it. Lead, follow, or get out of the way. Let sleeping dogs lie. No decision is a decision. Once a philosopher, twice a pervert. Once you squeeze the toothpaste out of the tube, you can't get it back in. Pecunia non olet. Piss or get off the pot. Play a stupid game, get a stupid prize. Some people jump on a particular ladder, and all they see is the next rung up. Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug. Slow and steady wins the race. The answer to nine out of ten questions is money. The devil pushes. You can get advice from anyone, but good advice from no one. You can step on your dick; you just cant jump up and down on it. You'll be in Heaven an hour before the devil knows you're dead. Watch your six. When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. When the tide goes out, you see who's been swimming naked. Whether the leaf falls on the thorn, or the thorn upon the leaf, it is the leaf that is torn (Indian proverb). SECTION 8: POSITIVE SENTIMENTS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cool as a moose and twice as hairy. Fat, dumb, and happy. Free, white, and twenty-one. Goody, goody gumdrops. Hope springs eternal. There are two things you can never call me. A liar and late for dinner. SECTION 9: THOUGHT-TERMINATING CLICHES ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hay is for horses and grass is cheaper. (In response to someone saying, "Well...") That's a deep subject. Pain/suffering builds character. SECTION 10: ANALOGIES/COMPARISONS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A free man decides; a slave obeys. A perro flaco se le suben las pulgas. A perro flaco, todo son pulgas. A viper that cries out when it strikes you. Argue about which end of the egg is up. Asking a beggar for his only coin. Bought the farm. Calling a space a spade. Camel's nose under the tent. Casting pearls before swine. Close but no cigar. Commitment level: Sharpie. Couldn't cuss a cat without getting fur in your mouth. Dead cat on the line. Dropping like flies. English is my language and the dollar is my flag. Everything but the crowing. Finer than a frog hair split three ways. Going down like a lead balloon. Heads: I win; Tails: you lose. Holding up the wall. I wasn't born. I was hatched from an egg. Is you is, or is you ain't? Is this a prayer in somebody else's religion? Kicking the can down the road. La mejor salsa del mundo es la hambre. Life is a bitter fruit indeed, and all pith. Like nailing Jell-o to a wall. Pissing up the rope. Pot, meet kettle. Putting the cart before the horse. Same song, second verse. Scarcer than hen's teeth. Sharp enough to shave the hair off a witch's tit. Six of one, half a dozen of the other. Talking out of both sides of the mouth. Ten pounds of shit in a five pound sack. The devil is beating his wife. (The sun is out when it rains.) The mind is willing, but the flesh is weak. The patients are running the asylum. There are more dirty shirts in that hamper. Too clever by half. Up shit creek without a paddle. You could swing a dead cat and hit it. What am I, chopped liver? What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Who plays the tunes and who dances in this relationship? SECTION 11: WORDPLAY ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man's facade of strength is his weakness; a woman's facade of weakness is her strength. Figures lie and liars figure. You're dating yourself. At least I can date somebody. We will work out your kinks and teach you new ones. SECTION 12: EXCLAIMATIONS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I swear it by the old gods and the new. Picture this, if you will. What in the seven hells? SECTION 13: UNCATEGORIZED ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Curiosity killed the cat, and satisfaction brought it back. SECTION 14: QUOTATIONS ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Al Capone "You can get farther with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word." Benito Mussolini "It's good to trust others but, not to do so is much better." "Let us have a dagger between our teeth, a bomb in our hands, and an infinite scorn in our hearts." "The mass, whether it be a crowd or an army, is vile." "The truth is that men are tired of liberty." "We become strong, I feel, when we have no friends upon whom to lean, or to look to for moral guidance." Friedrich Nietzsche "He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee." Roddy Piper "Its time to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and I'm all outta gum."